dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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