If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
