I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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