There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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