Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
