This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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