I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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