I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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