Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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