Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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