my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
