i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
