He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
