why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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