I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
