It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
