Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
