'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
how drunk are you?
Several
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
