is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
