Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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