I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
