Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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