I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
