I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize