The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
