mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
