Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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