if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
