You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
