Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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