sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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