Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
