I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
