I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
