the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
