remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
