everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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