Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
