my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
