my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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