She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
