im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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