Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
