dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
