How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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