Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
