His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
