please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
