I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
