they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
