you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You are a genius and a whore.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
