Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
