i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
