Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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