She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
