Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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