I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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