i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
