I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
