He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
