I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
