you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my being single is dangerous.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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