I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
