So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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