piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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