yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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