shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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