my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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