i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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