Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sober January is a disaster.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
