I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
