it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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