i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
